So I guess I haven't written in what seems to be almost 7 months, but it's time for the Xanga again. Anyways life just really sucks lately. Let's start from When it went all downhill:
March 31st, potentially the worst day of my life to this point. At 4:30 A.M. I get a phone call asking for some information from the contact list we have for our fraternity. Me, being curious, proceed to ask my fraternity brother why...now the next part was eeiry. He tells me, well 3 of my fraternity brothers got into an accident and he wants to contact their parents to let them know. So I don't think anything of it at first, thinking they might be in the hospital, etc... Well I did ask the question, and the next thing I heard is to this date the worst thing I've heard, he proceeded to tell me they'd passed away. I have never not wanted to believe something so much in my life. So I proceeded to sit in my bed for 45 minutes, until one of my other fraternity brothers called to let me know, and confirm it. Since that day life has changed, two men who made a significant impact in my life in many different ways, had passed. Anish Dhingra was one of the most intelligent human beings I've ever known. Similar to me in that he hated school, but had a passion for knowledge. He knew so many things and loved so much. One of the things I can for sure say is that the night of the accident he was at peace, he was driving his M3, and he loved driving it. Sachin Shah, a wonderful person, someone I never heard utter a bad thing about another person, was more than a friend but an older brother figure who I looked up to. He was the same major so he helped me out innumerably and taught me so much in life. But I know he was at peace too, as he had watched the Lakers game earlier, smoked his hookah, gone to PB and partied hard like he liked to, and topped it off with the Bacon fries.
I miss them both so much, everynight I think about them and dream about them. I just wish I could have had more fun times with them. I still don't believe it sometimes. But I know that they are in a better place and they will look down upon me to make sure nothing happens.
So what else is going on, well since hte accident I have proceeded to piss off like 5000 people with my anger. I have been so irritable it's unhealthy. Everytime I get drunk I get hella ruckus and cry and just can't control my emotions, I'm in deep shit. THe only good thing has been school. But I guess this crash affected me in a weird way all of a sudden I have this deep rooted anger at myself, b/c I should have died 3 years ago, but I lived, and I haven't done shit with my life. I feel like a worthless human being, and hopefully one day I can do something I should do since I was spared death.
Well all i have to say is that hopefully shit will start turning aroudn soon, otherwise wow I'm in shit.
Peace,
Kunal
R.I.P. Anish Dhingra 2.8.83-3.31.06
R.I.P. Sachin Shah 10.27.83-3.31.06
Chatboard (0)